^Obviously.^
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| They know I don't babysit |
If you are half a parent, mom or dad, you get it. It's an equal thing. It's called parenting. Mom's do it. Dads do it. And sometimes even Grandparents have to step in and do it. I don't babysit and I don't know any dad that does. There are some fellow Dad Bloggers that would make it seem like everyone is out to get them, that for some reason or another there is this higher power that is holding us all back from being the parent that we want to be.
Here is a tip. The only people that are holding us back from being the dads we want to be, are dads themselves.
There is a reason why some advertisers choose to portray us as bumbling fools, there are a bunch of men that still ARE bumbling fools. And what do they say about one bad apple spoiling a bunch? Well, there are bushels upon bushels of men that make us all look bad.
We are fighting the wrong people. The message is being sent to the wrong place.
It's not the government or Madison Avenue that is to blame for the lack of respect that many dads feel that they get. It's our own brethren. Until ALL dads step up and prove that they are capable of being an equal parent, we will be looked upon as fools.
I just can't get over the fact that so many think we are being suppressed as a parent.
Here are some things to look at. We can vote just like mom, we can drink out of the same water fountain as mom, and we can even ride the same bus as her. This is not the 60's south where we are looked down upon based on the color of our skin, this is 2012, we can be the equal of mom if we CHOOSE to be her equal. Society is NOT holding us back. WE are holding us back. I am tired of hearing the woe is me attitude of so many of my fellow dads. Just be a dad and stop worrying about what everyone thinks.
Dads don't babysit?
Prove that you don't.
It takes a long time for a cultural shift to take place. Look at various civil rights. I'm not equating dads with racial discrimination, but hopefully you understand what I'm trying to convey - there is an institutional accepted norm, and it's only been a few decades that "progress" has been made, and will take longer to become acceptable. That said, I agree that dads are their own worst enemy. Well, right behind the baby monitor and poopy diapers.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I found your blog through a mutual friend (Kwame) on Twitter and I really appreciate your perspective. Keep on keeping on, I've got your back, bruddah.
ReplyDeleteSigned -
A Fellow FATHER (vs. Babysitter)
Bravo! I love your message and I totally agree.
ReplyDeleteObviously I am preaching in this blog to a bunch of involved dads, and the message is kind of lost.
ReplyDeleteI will have to thank Kwame for sending you over, his finders fee is in the mail.
ReplyDeleteYou are right on with your commentary about the modern dad!
ReplyDeleteOk, so I'm not a dad (nor am I a man, lol), and I just wanna say "well said!" I agree that it gets annoying hearing all the men blaming society for not being adequate dad's. Granted, society has been harsh on men and maybe their own parents have raised them wrong, however, just because everyone thinks one way doesn't mean you need to think the same way. "Get over it," is my motto (something I apply to my own life)!
ReplyDeleteI don't think those of us who are writing about fatherhood think that society itself is holding us back. I think there are a lot of us that want society to catch up to the evolving trends faster than it does, and that is why we write. We suddenly have a voice to shout back that we don't accept the "bumbling idiot stereotype." Those of us that are involved fathers definitely want to see the bar raised in the media. But I don't think we blame the media for bad dads. I do think that social stereotypes play a subconscious role in the mind of a poor father, obviously less of a role than his own nurturing and will to be a better man. But I would never let a bad dad off the hook that easily.
ReplyDeleteThe "Dads Don't Babysit" campaign has been spearheaded by the National At-Home Dad Network because one of their goals is to advocate for fathers (especially at-home dads). When the government categorizes at-home dads with babysitters in the Census, that is an issue that requires advocacy to bring change. I wouldn't take their involvement to mean that they believe the government is responsible for all of the bad fathers out there. I would simply thank them for taking on this issue for us so we can focus on being great dads.
I saw the census. Nowhere did it say that Dad babysits so stop reading into things that don't exist. Also in the same census there were more grandparent that watched kids than dads did. Shocking I know. I applaud your efforts to make change and it's great that more dads are stepping up, like I said before I am preaching to the choir here because involved parents read these types of blogs.
ReplyDeleteThe sad thing is that some dads DO still babysit - or have to call a neighbor to change a crappy diaper and it's funny or cute to the rest of the family. I know many people who would benefit from this article
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! I'll tweet the hell out of it, so it does reach the "babysitter dads" and Moms, goes both ways. Your message does go beyond just Dads, it is a societal thing, we all complain about one thing or another, about what is unfair, etc. But people need to step up instead of not taking accountability for anything anymore. Well done!
ReplyDeleteMoms do it too. Stay at homes, working, single, everyone feels like the world is against them. I agree that the energy could be better used elsewhere. I often wonder why all of a sudden everyone thinks they are being attacked. Then again, I wonder if it's just bloggers. And really, have you ever wondered how all bloggers happen to be the best moms and dads on the planet?
ReplyDeleteAmen!
ReplyDeleteAll you have to do is read a few mom blogs and you can see that yes, indeed, there are dads out there that would fail quality control. And at the same time, some deserve superhero badges.
I fully agree that we should stop worrying about trying to get the world to give us accolades and put us on an equal pedestal as moms. I don't get my validation from big statements made by big articles. I get my validation from my kids.
Great post!
-Russ
"Just be a dad and stop worrying about what everyone thinks."
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree more. I never understood the war on brands. Just trying to parent here, and if this particular diaper keeps poop contained better than the other kind, then that's my brand.
I just don't understand why we need accolades as parents. What are we trying to accomplish?
ReplyDeleteExactly, as long as my kids know what I am capable of that's fine by me.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. If I find a paper towel that wipes up a mess better than one that is nicer to dads, I'm going to use it. Sorry. I don't base my buying decision on how people are treated. If it works, you got me.
ReplyDeleteStrange... Your handle makes you seem like a free spending civilian dad. I like get over it, it works for me.
ReplyDeleteI do consider myself "quite the mom." People laugh when I am at my big guy's baseball games and carry around my backpack full of things for my toddler. It's at a point where other moms will come up to me and ask if I have tissues, wipes or even an extra juice box for their kids.
ReplyDeleteThat being said... I think both moms and dads offer different things for their kids so they can never be truly equal. All we can do is be the best dads we can be. That will eventually change the way we are viewed by advertisers, judges and society as a whole.
Welcome back Steve! Showing we are capable is the BEST thing. Writing letters and all that other BS doesn't matter. We need to show it by the way we parent.
ReplyDeleteI just want to chime in and say you get props for wearing a Captain America shirt. Well done.
ReplyDeleteSo, how do you really feel, John?
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine not being involved in my child's life...Why would you just want to babysit? I would only want to do that if I got paid a lot of money! I love this post! Tell them how it is!
ReplyDeleteI could go on. And on. And on.
ReplyDeleteWell said man! Cheers...
ReplyDeleteYeah, see, that is what I'm talking about! Well said, and well-formed. Why can't there be an "open" place that lasts longer than 6 months or a year, doesn't force guys with feelings into a feminist-apologizing subset, and actually bonds like people should? That's all I'm saying.
ReplyDeleteI get that blogging is hard, takes time, is often a bit more fruitless than not, but damn it, we need to do better!
Not all dads are created equal... my hubz is the best daddy on the planet, & is truly a way better parent to my children than I am, as he has much more patience in equal doses of discipline. My ex (the kids' "real" dad) is more the babysitter type, & we do worry more when our Little is with him. My own father was also more the babysitter type --- seldom had a clue what was happening & always deferred to mom via the "Go ask your mother!" route. As with anything else, I think it just depends on the individual in question. I agree with you that we should all just worry about being the parents our kids need us to be. Some of us are more interested than others, & even at that, some are just plain better at it than others.
ReplyDelete