Some days can just be great and crappy all rolled into one.
Such is the first day of school.
 |
| He's a second grader |
My little guy Tyler is getting to be such a big kid. No longer does he rely on me to read and write for him. He still doesn't know how to tie shoes, but he doesn't need me to get him dressed in the mornings. Sure I help him pick his clothes out, but he is fully capable of doing most things all by himself. This is a child that has been putting together 1000 piece lego sets since age three, the boy is a genius.
Milestones always get to me.
I've written about these things in the past - things like losing a tooth and learning how to pump yourself on the swing - while they show just how much a child is growing up, they tell me just how old I am getting. I am not a 30 year old man anymore with a newborn son. My 38th birthday, is right around the corner - September 28th to be exact. After that 40, 50, 60 and next thing you know you are bouncing grandkids on your knee. Everyone tells me that it is wonderful being a grandparent, mainly because you can give the kids back to the parents when you are done.
I don't want to give my kids back.
 |
| He's an awesome BIG kid |
I want them to stay just the way they are, full of innocence with an eagerness to explore new things. I might complain about it a lot, but I want to be there to tie their shoes, pack up a lunch for them, or wipe away their tears when they fall down. I know there will be different stages of life and the boys will always need me to be their father. There will be different things they need my help with later in life - driving a car, tying a tie, and girls. I don't know how much help I will be with them on the last thing though, I am still trying to figure out my wife sometimes.
The first day.
Sometimes I feel it's just a step closer to the last. I need to keep reminding myself I have a full life ahead of me with the boys. If I don't stop focusing so much on the future, I am going to miss everything in the now. There will be a lot of nows - weddings, births, holidays - and if I keep looking ahead so much, I'm going to miss all of it. I can't wake up 50 years from now and wonder where my life went. I need to wake up tomorrow and figure where my life is going.
New beginnings.
The first day of school will be crappy no more.
"Sometimes I feel it's just a step closer to the last" I have been feeling this so much lately.
ReplyDeleteI keep saying I am going through a mid-life crisis. I turned 38 this summer and it is killing me! My dad and aunt died at 56 and my grandfather at 46, so I don't count on years like other people do. I am constantly reminded that my dad never met one of his grand children and never had the retirement he planned for.
I think it is so important to be purposeful as you are - we need to drink in the moment, and be so grateful for it, while ensuring we are going in the direction we want to be in 50 years from now.
Great post John, i can totally relate to it, well everything except the getting old part, since i am only 28 so reached any major milestones in that regards, but where the kids are concerned i totally feel what you are saying.
ReplyDeleteSociety tells us to plan so much for the future... Retirement, saving for college that we forget what's important... NOW. If we don't focus on now, we'll regret it when the future comes. Remember, te future never comes, it's always in the future. Be present.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad the kiddos are still too small for school and all that stuff...I can wait for them to get older!
ReplyDeletewm
We don't predict the future, but we raise it. You can't raise the future you hope for and want to see by missing the now.
ReplyDeleteMore and more, people are failing to realize that all that matters is the now. Because it is quite possible that the now will be the difference between your tomorrow and your end.
Great post John!