The Dad Suit

I am probably the least fashionable person that I know.  My wife will totally attest to this as she has bought me clothes over the years that I just can't get into, I have put on a few pounds over the years but that's not what I am talking about.  Like a lot of men, I just don't have an eye for fashion.  My idea of an outfit always consists of cargo shorts, to hold all the garbage I collect throughout the day, and a T-shirt.  Usually my shirts have a superhero logo on them, not so much for me, but my kids think I look cool with them on. Who am I to argue with them.

Hey, look at that dad

The problem that I have is with the dad bathing suit. We have all seen them in various forms, but they have one thing in common.  There is a white stripe running down the side of the suit with white piping near the knees.  Nothing screams "I AM A DAD" more than these trunks.  I do believe that with each child that you have you are supposed to add a stripe to your suit.  No kids, no stripe, you get the COOL suits. One kid, one stripe and so on.  Jim Bob Duggar must just wear a completely pinstriped bathing suit at this point.  Now I am not immune to this fashion trend as I myself have one of these suits, and between you and me, I HATE IT.  This is coming from a guy who would wear Chuck Taylors until they literally fell off my feet and who thinks leg warmers rule.  

Can't be a dad, I hope

Now I would not go as far as saying we should all go out and dress like Borat, but there has to be something that designers can come up with.  Did they all just sit in a room in Paris somewhere and laugh at us dads and come up with the dumbest ideas for swimsuits.  Ha, we'll show them stupid dads, we will put a stripe right down your suit, oh and we will add a pocket for you to keep seashells in.  How novel, a pocket with velcro that doesn't last more than a few days.  Just a tip, keep nothing in that pocket.  It serves as much purpose as a woman's lipgloss tote.

Take a look at some of these "designs".  See if you notice a pattern.

Ooh a red stripe

Black

Brown

Orange

Yikes

Yeah, all these suits are exactly the same.  Different colors but the same stupid striping.  I don't think that there is a dad in the world that doesn't own some variation of this suit. Sure in Europe they probably have a little speedo, but its got to have a little stripe in there somewhere.  I have been in numerous stores and they are everywhere.  Macy's, JC Penney, Sears, and even Wal-mart all have the same suit.  WHERE IS THE CREATIVITY?  I am not saying that we should go out and make swimsuits like my mom used to make Jams 25 years ago, but the least they could do is give us some sort of variety, and not just a change in color.  I swear it looks like some sort of dad uniform.  Aliens would probably beam down to a beach and laugh at all the silly dads dressed the same.  It's embarrassing.

I am tired of my stupid swimsuit. 

Of course that's mine, I'm a dad.

Which one do you wear?

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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